doing life more sober than not
changing a little for a little bit
For the past (almost) sixty days- I did a lot of life sober. Not because I gave anything fully up. Not because I have a problem. I just decided I wanted to do it a bit differently for a bit. No timelines or rules or dry January signed at the dotted line. I came off POG (passionfruit, orange, guava) mimosas (highly recommend) and cocktails in can and some happy hours and having one on the beach because I had no responsibilities for a bit. I decided to make it more of an extracurricular than a more regular ritual. To only drink + garden outside my house + in celebration with others and do less of it than more for self-regulation.
I did my mom’s anniversary of her passing--sober. My dad ending up in the hospital the day after-- sober. And him being there for multiple days after-- sober. Inauguration--sober. Days of destruction after--sober. Watching so many human rights being taken away-- sober. Watching the fear of so many including my own grow--sober. Stress of building a new business and something new coming and going--sober.
So much of life is noticing. Noticing what happens when we do things slightly differently. What happens when we try it a new way for a little bit? Not when it is easy. But when it is fucking hard. The personal and collective worst nightmares are happening. Right now.
There is something about the slight movement that moves things.
But it doesn’t make them disappear.
Without numbing out just a bit when things are really hard- what will happen?
I have worked with people changing things just slightly for a long time. I actually encourage it to be slight than drastic. I have seen the miracles of what happens when people choose to live in the grey of life and try it this new way. Instead of the black and white of binaries of rules so rigid it is hard to see any changes or notice along the way.
With substances, with movement, with relationships, with rituals that ground them.
This American life has done a very good job of making you believe you must live in the too much or the nothing for every aspect of life. And it somehow is tied to our humanity. It does not work. At least not for the long term.
I have noticed some things:
feels good to make drinking a special treat and do it when celebrating with others. my very good friend’s bday dinner party this past weekend (florists are in the fam can ya tell?) was the most fun in a long time. not because I had a couple glasses of pink champagne but because it is the gold in the middle of a lot shit. breaking pasta with others in long table where your people grow in community with others. bring back more dinner parties in 2025!
i have felt sad. depressed and some days have been hard to move.
i call it molasses moving. trying to move in molasses.
this is the human response to what is happening around us. and in my own personal life. i am feeling it. not avoiding it. being in it.
some days i feel very motivated to do all my business things, referrals, leads, follow-ups and proposals and calls and other days i can only do a couple things and lay on the ground- on my floor- and eat some chocolate under a weighted blanket.
there are days i can talk + days i do not want talk much at all. reminding me we do not need to fill up all the spaces.
feels good to check on others and for them to check in on me. i also need more phone + screen breaks too.
i am not missing that one glass of wine, or a gummy as much as i thought i would.
i am feeling overwhelmed. in processing and understanding and knowing and not knowing what to do next. but still showing up in whatever form i can that day. understanding this is a marathon and we are only in mile 1.
it has been harder to get outside (winter things even though our temps aren’t bad in the middle of the day in SF) and do my walks but found ways to make the days i do count. even if getting outside for a few and that sun really makes a difference.
lifting heavy things has been helpful. lifting more than half up to just more than my body weight (estimated because i only weigh myself once or twice a year). shoutout to the trainer i see once a week.
i don’t know what i will do next- but really grateful i know i can face a lot of hard things and do them sober. changing my relationship with substances and the pace of that ritual of self-regulation has really helped me.
changing a little for a little bit continues to teach me a lot. and makes me believe in me even more.
And we need to believe in ourselves and each other more than ever.
Also- recommend laying on your floor. And doing it very soon. (more on that below).
With you.
Is Lying on the Floor Good for Your Health? - The New York Times
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