just today

i’m going through my trip writing when i was in Mexico. i wrote every am i was there. slight edit and pass to you.

i have highlight and lowlight to share with you all in terms of my recovery as new addition to what am i sharing here.

thanks for being here and supporting me.

with you,

KB

---

just today

there is a moment from each trip I keep with me

the final day I am anywhere.

i do the rituals to say goodbye.

my first solo trip ever out of the country

was 10 years ago.

there was a moment almost I didn’t go

early am anxiety mixture

but i said get on the plane

step by step.

and once in the air felt more settled

and belief in myself grew in these trips.

i rode my rented bike in a swimsuit in the salt of humanness

through the humidity of the jungle

i could feel it as i rode

the breeze of the bluest sea

i have ever seen

and rode past the bike rental so I could see the beach one last time

i smelled salt on my skin

water released from

my eyes

a sink run dry

crying knowing i could do it

take adventures alone

be alone

find solace and peace in new places

in faraway places.

One last beach day

One last coffee

One last park walk

One last wake morning awaking up to open all the windows and listen.

​

the greatest gift we get is a belief in ourselves

the greatest gift we get is joy in unexpected places

or places that bring us comfort

the greatest joy is allowing things to unfold and happen.

being in the moment is easy to tattoo alongside our hearts

but harder to live

in the newness of a place, in the ritual we get in being from somewhere new

where language and people and friends are to be made

where you sometimes are lonely or sick

but you figure it out

moment by moment.

now I go on at least one trip out of the country, usually alone

i went to my favorite restaurant last night with new friends in Mexico City

the first restaurant i went to on during my first night last visit

​

i walk to get my coffee at my spot

i sat and wrote and chatted in Spanish

bit by bit

sun shining alongside me, simmering into cooking something different inside

like a television show

but one you would actually watch

the coffee, art on the walls as i walk

the sparkling water jumps out of the glass and hisses

bikes and scooters and cars and kids playing go back and forth forth and back

i look at my phone, to see how much time i have left

a yellow butterfly flies into my hand and kisses my index finger and flies around me

sway

stay here

be here

stay here

be here,

she whispers.

the vastness of us lives in a moment so simple

just like this

i want to live in this moment forever

I close my eyes.

---

highlight + lowlight time

starting with good-and its good!

I have tremendous news to share-at speech therapy-aphasia is reduced. from Mayo clinic because we need some help here “Aphasia is a disorder that affects how you communicate. It can impact your speech, as well as the way you write and understand both spoken and written language.”

In May - I was not there. I cried so much in my first speech therapy office because I made so many mistakes and she really got me to find some grace for myself. She said it is hardest for people who live in the world of words.

The reading (10 books so far) and the practice with my almost 6 year old niece especially helped a lot. And I am working on fine tuning some skills with her.

“Since discharge, the patient has remained highly motivated with her recovery. She reports participating in daily 30-minute walks, swimming, completing speech-language home exercises from her rehabilitation workbook, and practicing conversational speech with her 5 year old niece.

Although conversational speech is fluent and grammatically intact, residual expressive language deficits continue to impact communication efficiency during complex conversations and vocational tasks. Given the patient’s age, high level of functioning, excellent insight, strong motivation, and professional communication demands as a business owner and consultant, skilled speech-language therapy is medically necessary to further improve lexical retrieval, verbal expression, speech intelligibility, and functional communication to maximize independence in personal, social, and vocational settings.”

I have been able to really focus on my recovery given the support of GoFundMe. Thank you.

okay so now it's not so great news!

I am not getting disability so I have to live on GoFundMe so I can focus on my recovery. There are still occupational and physical realities and also fatigue.

It's been too long since I worked for someone and a new business owner has paid in to receive it. I have worked since 15 and have only taken a month off so you imagine the reality that there is nothing for me is awful news I have to accept.

This is my reality. This is my longest break but recovery needs my full attention. And I want to believe my recovery and rest matters.

Thank you for your support by sharing or resharing or giving once or even twice. People have given $5-$1500 and I am thankful for it all.

Sharing some friends post on my behalf- I can’t thank them enough!

Adisa Banjoko Adisa Banjoko

Sara Sadek

https://www.gofundme.com/f/support-kate-buelers-journey-to-recovery