reading my face
and thank her for changing
reading my face is the easiest and hardest simply because your face is with you forever and if you happen to be a woman this face will be more important than many things you will say and do no matter how much you try we have tried to change it even more so now this obsession with the same exact faces feels like an old school informercial on a tv in the middle of the night i watch shows and movies from earlier times and notice faces are moving the strangest irony of all is the mirror cannot even hold it not fully the light the beauty the one of kind we eat for breakfast, lunch, and dinner how it cannot change or move or shift even when here for decades just beyond two decades or so. i found a senior picture of myself up on a shelf I had forgotten the picture is older than not i almost put it up to my face for a picture in the mirror to see time i want to read my own face and see the life there inside of it our faces will change as we have i want to read my face and see the changes the things survived and celebrated this amazing confidence that can only grow with age see the 17-year-old me was just starting brave and bold but still scared in ways I am not now knowing it will be okay did not live on the brow then but does now chasing things a bit more if that be acceptance or love lived more on the cheeks on the nose was the judgement of others felt but my eyes my eyes have always glowed green blue and changing they are my mother's eyes too i want to read my face, really Others can read your face sometimes more easily uniqueness that no one can capture in the sketchbooks Or photographs it lives in the mind’s eye of other minds I can’t lie and say I still don’t like when someone compliments my face not believing my age I say there must be justice in some genetics Some of us get a bit less wrinkles as a parting gift for some other shitty genetics I sometimes say knowing the hurt of so many generations over and over before Some people laugh when I say this Others when reading their face don’t know what to say sometimes surviving is finding the humor or the recycled one liners to explain things we can’t ever explain To questions people always have asked even when i was too young to know or now even older to ever have answers that feel like a believable truth
i want to read my face i want to read my face like the stories i have written and have to reread to remember and thank her for changing and really mean it
