I wish I told you I wish I told you than I knew you were coming before they told me. I wasn’t surprised when mom said she was pregnant with you. I wish I told you about how fear lives in the crevices for everyone. The forgotten part by others but the only part you sometimes still remember. I wish I told you that the days you feel the most beautiful are ones where you actually can’t see your own reflection in a mirror or camera lens. I wish I told you I knew you would be a professor the first time I met you. That your love of learning and the study you had for this life I could see you in front of a classroom and doing research. I wish I told you that in open water I still fear drowning even though I know every single stroke and have multiple saves as a lifeguard- knowing really, I could float forever. I wish I told you when I got too small or exercised too much that I was actually struggling. I wish I told you I always knew you would break up. That in the pit of my stomach I knew there lived more darkness than light. I wish I told you that I knew your love of books would always be more than a pastime that I saw you surrounded around books forever. I wish I told you that ever once in a while I google you to see if you are alive. And it is fucking strange you married someone with my name. I wish I told you I remember running down the stairs of our beige carpet just to make sure I told you I loved you. Scared I would lose you too. I wish I told you that there are still moments I still wonder about the what if about you.
This hits deep in so many levels. Beautiful Kate
❤️I tried to mirror off how life actually is. All the moments and truths live in our lives. And they all coexist and ebb and flow ❤️